When a loved one has dementia, the nature of your relationship with them can change. Caregivers are sometimes overwhelmed by their new responsibilities and feelings of grief and loss in their relationship.
It is normal to experience emotions like heartache, confusion, and even resentment, anger or indifference. But there are ways you can continue to foster a positive connection with your loved one.
- Be aware of emotionally disconnect in dementia patients. A good starting point is to be aware that people with dementia may sometimes seem emotionally detached from their loved ones. This is because the disease is altering brain function. Your loved one still loves you, but their brain no longer allows them to process emotions, empathize, or engage socially how they used to.
- Recognize your own disconnect. Trauma, burnout, or even fear can frequently cause caregivers to emotionally disconnect too. Some may be aware of this, and alarmed by it. Others may be unconscious of their own detachment. You probably recognize if your loved one seems detached, but it is worth checking in with yourself to see if you are also feeling detached.
- Take respite care if you need it. Sometimes all you need to reconnect emotionally to your loved one is a break. As the saying goes, you cannot fill another’s cup when your own cup is empty. Respite care is one of the levels of hospice care, and it is available to you if you need a little time to recharge.
- Make space for your emotions. Try not to get down on yourself about what you are feeling. Some people may feel guilty about their challenging emotions. It is okay to make room to feel them and to process how the situation is impacting you. Even if you feel disconnected, that doesn’t mean you do not love the person you’re taking care of.
- Connect when opportunities allow. There will often be windows of relative clarity, especially early on. Seize those opportunities when they come along. This is your time to connect emotionally, resolve unaddressed issues, and create more positive memories.
- Get support. Sometimes, you are going to need some extra emotional support. Working with a therapist or counselor can help you make sense of your experiences and give you tools to cope. Hospice services include grief counseling for families, which may be relevant to what you are going through.
- Try discussing long-term memories. People with dementia often have much more coherent long-term memories than short-term memories. So, if you are having a hard time connecting with your loved one, try asking them about their distant memories. They may be able to share quite a lot with you about their childhood. It may not be ideal, but it does allow you to learn more about them, and to connect with them in an emotional way.
- Do activities that don’t require dialogue. If carrying on a conversation with your loved one has become difficult, do not forget there are other ways we can share our emotional energy and bond. For example, you could exercise together. This has the added plus of benefiting their physical health. Another idea would be to work on artwork together. Art therapy can be very soothing, and can give your loved one a way to express themselves. This in turn helps you to emotionally connect with them. Sometimes even sitting with your loved one in companionable silence is a way to share a bond, especially if you are able to do it in a beautiful setting.
- Understand that your loved one is still here. Oftentimes, people refer to someone who has dementia as “gone.” They seem to believe that their loved one is no longer present, and what is left behind is someone else. But that is not the case. Your loved one’s brain is not able to function the way it used to, but your loved one is still the same person. They still wake up each day and experience fears, hopes, pains, and joys. In some ways, that is a harder reality to accept, because it means that you need to grieve what your loved one is going through, instead of detaching. But acknowledging it gives you the chance to stay emotionally connected.
Golden Rule Hospice Can Support You and Your Loved One
The staff at Golden Rule Hospice have extensive experience with caring for dementia patients and their families. We have locations in Atlanta and Alpharetta and serve the surrounding region. We provide physical and emotional support and management to the patient and social and emotional support to family and caregivers. To find out how we can help, please give us a call at (470) 395-6567.
